


Not Fast Enough

by lizardk98



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bullying, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28827564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizardk98/pseuds/lizardk98
Summary: Tsukishima was running. He was running like his life depended on it, even though it didn’t. His life did not depend on it…but another one did.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	Not Fast Enough

**Author's Note:**

> TW: suicidal themes.

Tsukishima was running. He was running so hard that his feet burned in his shoes and his legs threatened to give out at any moment. And yet, he didn’t care. All that he cared about was running. _Faster. Faster. Faster._ He didn’t care about his body aching or his lungs burning in the chilly, early-winter air or the cars blowing their horns all around him, trying to get him to move. He couldn’t hear them. He didn’t care.

He’d been at home eating dinner with his family, actively trying to dodge every question his brother threw his way and every sideway look his mother shot him and every disapproving grunt his father delivered. They knew that something was wrong but, as far as he was concerned, it was none of their business. He didn’t care that they were worried about him. He didn’t want them to be. He’d been sitting at the table picking at his food when he received a text, a small ping signifying the incoming message. He sighed, not wanting to deal with whoever it could possibly be that was willing to bother him, but fished out his phone anyway, pressing the button on the side and turning it on. The light from the screen reached into the very depths of his soul and burned in his heart as he read the message.

**One New Message From: Yamaguchi**

He felt his breath hitch in his throat.

**Yamaguchi: I guess I really was always kind of uncool, wasn’t I?**

**Tsukki: What the hell are you talking about?**

**Yamaguchi: I’m sorry**

**Tsukki: Why are you apologizing? You should hate me.**

**Yamaguchi: I don’t hate you, Tsukki. I love you. But I know that you hate me.**

**Tsukki: Tadashi..**

**Yamaguchi: So I’m not going to hurt you anymore.**

**Tsukki: What…what are you saying?**

**Yamaguchi: You won’t have to worry about me anymore. You won’t have to worry about us.**

**Tsukki: Yamaguchi stop this, you’re starting to scare me.**

**Yamaguchi: You can be happy.**

**Tsukki: Why aren’t you picking up my calls?**

**Yamaguchi: I love you…I always have.**

**Tsukki: Tadashi, please. Please don’t do anything rash. We can talk about this.**

**Yamaguchi: Goodbye, Kei.**

**Tsukki: Shit. Please don’t do anything. I’m going to come to you. _(Message Failed to Send)_**

**Tsukki: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please let me fix this. _(Message Failed to Send)_**

**Tsukki: Fuck! Why aren’t my messages going through!? _(Message Failed to Send)_**

**Tsukki: I’m on my way. Please be there. _(Message Failed to Send)_**

**Tsukki: I love you so much _(Message Failed to Send)_**

He didn’t care about the worried cries that followed him out of his house. He didn’t even bother to put on a jacket. He didn’t care. All that he cared about was getting to Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima was running. He was running like he’d never run before. He was running with a sense of urgency and with a purpose. Through the darkness that had been clouding his mind since he left his house suddenly came his first rational thought thus far. He needed to tell someone. What if he wasn’t able to make it in time? Someone else needed to know. They would be able to get to him. So he pulled out his phone. The sight of it made him want to vomit, but he pushed it down just enough to be able to talk. He needed to be able to talk. He dialed Yamaguchi’s mother.

_“Oh, Kei, this is a pleasant surprise. I haven’t heard from you in a while. Haven’t seen you in a while eith-”_

_“Where are you!?”_

_“I, I beg your pardon?”_

_“Please tell me you’re at home.”_

_“No…I’m not. My husband and I decided to go out tonight. What is all of this about?”_

_“You need to go home now!”_

_“Kei, you’re not making any sense…”_

_“Please! Tadashi is…he’s going to do something…he’s going to hurt himself.”_

_“What-what are you saying?”_

_“I’m on my way now but I don’t know if I’ll make it in time. Please, you have to go home!”_

_“I-”_

He hung up the phone. The talking had made his lungs swell and burn which was, in turn, hindering his speed. He would apologize later, but for now he needed to focus on running. He still needed to go faster. _Faster._ He needed to make it before…

Tsukishima was running. He was running like his life depended on it, even though it didn’t. _His_ life did not depend on it…but another one did. He felt a moisture clinging to his face. Was he crying? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t have time to think about it. He needed to focus on running. _Faster._ He didn’t have time to think about anything. But the thoughts came anyway. Thoughts of Yamaguchi.

He still wanted to play volleyball with him.

_“Tsukki, we should join the volleyball club!”_

_“That would be kind of lame.”_

_“Oh come on, no it wouldn’t! Besides…it would be fun if we do it together.”_

_“…fine. But only for you.”_

He wanted to look into his eyes again.

_“You have really pretty eyes, ya know?”_

_“Ts-tsukki! Stop it, you’re going to make me blush…”_

_“I’m just telling the truth. They look like chocolate. I like chocolate.”_

_“You’re so embarrassing!”_  
  


He wanted to hear him laugh.

_“Oh my god, did you just snort?”_

_“N-no! No, I did not just snort.”_

_“Yeah. Yeah ya did. Wow, I didn’t realize I was dating such a dork.”_

_“It’s just my laugh, I can’t help it!”_

He still wanted him.

_“I want you, Tadashi. I want you so bad.”_

_“Are, are you sure?”_

_“I’m sure if you’re sure.”_

_“…I’m sure.”_

He didn’t want to hide anymore.

_“Y-you want to hide…us?”_

_“Only while we’re at school. You know how unrelenting people can be when it comes to…people like us.”_

_“I know…and I don’t like it but I trust you.”_

_“Thank you, Tadashi. I’m so sorry to have to ask that of you, but you know I still love you. Now come here.”_

He still needed him.

_“I need you to stay away from me while we’re at school.”_

_“Why would I do that? Everyone knows we’re best friends. Wouldn’t me staying away be even more suspicious?”_

_“Yeah, but rumors are starting to spread.”_

_“Oh…okay.”_

He wanted to be reckless.

_“How could you be so fucking reckless!?”_

_“I’m sorry, Tsukki! I’m so, so sorry!”_

_“If you were sorry you wouldn’t have done it!”_

_“But-”_

He wanted to kiss him again.

_“They saw you kiss me, Tadashi! Now every one of those assholes knows! The entire school probably knows by now for god sake!”_

_“Is that such a bad thing!? Why can’t we just be open about us?”_

_“Is that such a bad thing? Are you stupid? I, I can’t do this. I need to leave. I can’t look at you right now.”_

_“Tsukki, please wait!”_

He still loved him.

_“Y-you still love me, though…right?”_

_Silence_

_“R-right?”_

_“I, I don’t know.”_

Tsukishima was running. He was running so hard that his feet burned in his shoes and his legs threatened to give out. He was running like he’d never run before. He was running like his life depended on it.

_Faster_

He was getting closer to Yamaguchi’s house. Just a few more blocks and he’d be there.

_Faster_

He was telling himself that everything would be okay.

_Faster_

He would get there and Tadashi would be fine. His parents would be home.

_Faster_

They would talk. He would apologize. Their relationship would be rocky at first but they would be okay.

_Faster_

They would be open to the school. To everyone. They wouldn’t hide anymore.

_Faster_

He would tell Tadashi that he loved him more than anything. He wasn’t sure why he’d ever doubted that he did.

_Faster_

Everything would be okay. It had to be.

_Faster_

He turned onto Yamaguchi’s street, which was bathed in more light that it had ever been before. He wondered why but then he saw it…he was going to throw up.

_Faster_

He saw a stretcher being wheeled out of the house and into the ambulance. A couple was sitting on the lawn. They were crying, clutching onto each other like they were the only thing they had left…because they were.

_Faster_

He could hear a police officer uttering the words he wanted to hear the least. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” He didn’t understand.

He had run faster.

But not fast enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...umm...yeah. This is my first time ever really writing anything like this. I hope you don't hate me too much!


End file.
